Mum, 31, took her children to nursery and hours later was dead
Ruby Lockwood had no symptoms before her devastated husband found her dead in bed
A dad has shared the three hardest words he has ever had to say to his children after finding his wife dead in bed. Dale Lockwood and his wife Ruby had had a catch-up in the kitchen after she came home from her shift as a detective at 5am on October 10, 2023.
The couple, who had been together since they were 17, had a chat and a laugh before Dale left for his job as a deputy headteacher at a local primary school and Ruby took their two children, Arthur, four and Winifred, one, to nursery before coming home to bed.
But when Dale returned from work later that evening, he found his childhood sweetheart dead in their bed. The 33-year-old said: “When I came up the stairs, the bedroom door was open and I could see Ruby on the bed and that’s when I thought something wasn’t right. Her eyes were open and (she) was just half under the covers.”
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Dale tried to resuscitate Ruby saying “panic” and “adrenaline” kicked in – but he realised “fairly instantaneously” there was nothing he could do. He called the emergency services, asked his dad to collect the children from nursery and stayed with a neighbour for around six hours while officers examined the scene.
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He knew, thanks to Ruby’s line of work as a police detective with West Yorkshire Police, that her unexplained death would “trigger an investigation”. But there was even worse to come, he had to tell their children what had happened.
Dale said: “Because of my job, I’m actually trained in how to speak to children around bereavement – you just never expect to do it with your own children.
“You’ve just got to be really factual, using the term ‘died’, so ‘mummy has died’…as brutal as it sounds you’ve just got to be open and direct. Not comparing it to finding Rubes, because that was horrendous but the shock kicked in then, telling Arthur was just raw emotion and he just sobbed. Of all the things I’ve ever done, that will always be the hardest."
The post-mortem examination did not provide a clear cause of Ruby's death, leaving the family to hold her funeral and cremation without knowing what had caused her death. Dale said he was "tortured" by not having any answers, constantly wondering 'could I have done anything' or 'could I have saved her.'
After further sample testing, Dale was eventually informed on August 6 by the cardiogenetic team at Leeds General Infirmary that she had a rare genetic heart condition called sudden arrhythmic death syndrome (SADS), a sudden unexpected death caused by cardiac arrest.
As SADS is a hereditary condition, Dale now lives with the fear Arthur and Winifred could also carry the gene. The family now faces an eight-month wait for more genetic testing to determine if a "faulty gene" is present in Ruby's samples, which would enable their children to be tested as well.
He continued: “It’s horrendous and it wasn’t expected – Ruby wasn’t poorly, she had no symptoms, it was a total, utter shock out of the blue to the point where you still can’t believe it. As well as losing your wife, the love of your life and the mother of your children, there’s also the worry that it could happen to your children.”
Dale, from Birstall in West Yorkshire, has been supported by the British Heart Foundation (BHF) in his quest for answers and has, in turn, raised more than £17,000 for the charity. He took on the AJ Bell Great North Run in Newcastle this month, a half marathon his wife Ruby completed in 2015 to raise funds.
He said: "I'm trying to make what happened to Ruby count, I'm trying to make it worth something. It's about getting a stronger message out there to ultimately stop it from happening to anyone else I wouldn't wish it on anyone."
"Everybody liked Ruby, she just had such a strong personality and persona, she would light up a room. She was a really vivacious character and just so full of life, she was fantastic at her job and she was an amazing mum and wife.
"Ruby spent her life, a work career, helping people and she was totally selfless. If by sharing things and raising money makes a difference to one person or one family, that's enough."
You can support Dale's fundraising efforts on his JustGiving page here. For further information about SADS, head over to the British Heart Foundations website at: bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/conditions/sads.
